Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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