you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
