you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
