If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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