Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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