i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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