i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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