Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
