I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
