Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
