i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Randomize
