New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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