weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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