I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she peed on how many people?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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