4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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