not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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