Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Non-Jews are for practice
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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