hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
