she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
