just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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