Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
