Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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