so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize