We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
