Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
