I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
