i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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