Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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