5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize