Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
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