Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
