New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
