Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
