so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
