In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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