You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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