Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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