Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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