i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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