I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
