I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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