I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
