have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
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I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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