sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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