Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
