Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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