I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.