I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup