apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more