Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
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Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?