I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize