Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
