woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
