So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think I just sharted jello shots
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