if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My penis needs a shock collar
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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