the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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