woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
