Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
