wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
