One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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