once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
