how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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