you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
