i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
