you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
