I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
