wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
