so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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