8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize