Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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