kristin has been a bad kristin
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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