apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
