Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
