Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i think i just lost a toe
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
