then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
