You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
