we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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