i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
