Cold hands, warm shart.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
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hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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