I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
