Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
