think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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