DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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