Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
