So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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