we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
