I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
