don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You're like the curious george of whores
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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