Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
